I am an idiot.

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So tired. These days I have felt like all of my energy had been sucked out of my body. Suddenly I felt tired of my boring same old routine days. I laughed, chatted, ran around, looked over the time, joked around, etc, yet somehow I felt so empty. The uneasiness makes me feel so empty.

I became unstable. I want the awareness from surrounding.
I want to get the warmth.
But I didn't hope for this kind of awareness to happen (...)

I am really the second type of nomads, aren't I? Didn't come back to my room for almost two weeks.

I wanted to be a more cheerful and matured person, but it seemed like I tumbled a lot around the way too. And I missed the previous careless lifestyle. I have tried to put a smile on me as ever, some how it is also tiresome.

I tried not to make myself get hurt again, yet somehow I made myself feel hurt unintentionally.
Such a twisted and weak creature am I.
Nobody has caused me pain.

As the days are getting colder, my body shuts to hibernation. I am sure I would fall asleep everywhere I can.
And humiliating myself.

Sigh. I am a Starbuck's fanatic now.

Some times I don't even want to try anything anymore. But that is simply meaningless.
I don't feel right if I don't cheer myself up from my sulkiness.
I keep saying "trying, trying" but what I should try to "try"? I don't even know for sure myself.
These final days are so hectic, but my mind can't even get to be busy.

I feel like I am a lone wolf. A lone and lonely wolf.
Probably the coldness has sneaked into my body and worsen my balance state.
But I can't hate the coldness, or myself.

I feel nostalgic and reminisced of time. But I can't really stop moving forward and turn back.
That would make me more aware of my hesitation and coward.
Make myself wrapped around the happy memoirs is as same as sympathizing the inner self.

I want to express my uneasiness.
I should just stop care about how others would look at me so much.
But it is just hard to become innocent again.

So sleepy and tired. Why don't I just give in? Why don't I just stop this stupidity to free myself?
Why am I so stupid that I can't stop myself?

Time is tying and losing the knots.

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