Just as the flipped pages of a novel, I realized that I "accidentally" pick for myself the path of a nomad, of a belong-to-nowhere-at-this-moment individual. It is like how we only read chapter one and chapter five of a mysterious story, that we feel like nothing is connected logically and romantically anymore. As I read the blogs of my Vietnamese friends, I realized that their current lifestyle, fashion, and thoughts were way far beyond my limited knowledge. As I get to know about the clothes they wear, the language they use, the entertainment they treat themselves, I start to feel like I don't belong to my place of birth anymore. Little clueless me has always thought of the city I lived in as unchangeable, as everything before I left it would be as much similar as when I come back. But, time has flied to the amount of three years in a blink of eyes.

It is only three years that passing through my shoulder, but somewhat, every "normal" same old routine of my past life there has changed rapidly. This is such a weird change that, within the sixteen years that I had stayed there, I never felt that much of change. Sixteen years of my existence there is not even worth compared to the short three years of absence. Maybe I was assimilated to the lifestyle that I had never realized it had changed that much. Just as it costs us perhaps thirty minutes to finish a chapter of a story, it only take a moment to flip over some fifty more pages. We never feel like anything much could possibly happen in a chapter, but for the pages that we are missing, we can never catch entirely what has going on.

I saw a photo of my friend standing next to a ramen shop. The billboard behind her was colorful with a long list of dishes with only one price: 15,000 vnd. A bowl of noodle can cost as much as 15,000 vnd now makes me feel strangely ridiculous. And it is a ridicule of an out-sider. "How come such an inflation can be out of control?" asked I my honey. He has answered me with such an obvious tone, "Well, it is inflation, you know." I have seen things happen to my city as an gaijin now, how weird could it be?

One good thing to go away from your home place is that you can uncover your blindfold, yet it would also turn you to be an outsider. The more we discussed, the more I realized that I had already look at my home place with another eye side. Now I am able to compare what is good and what is not between my current life and the life that passed. Consider about the convenience, education, and experience, my home place has nothing impressive compared to the current. Well, totally not, and I wonder if it would ever be. I am "glad" that I was going away out of my happy cage somewhat. If I am still in my home, I probably is still a frog princess inside the pit black well.

I can't imagine now that I would be able to return and settle to the life "before" without any lingering for this current place. This present life of mine is not that interesting, not that happy or attached, yet I know I would miss it as I once missed the other. Nevertheless, the old happy life was already disappeared and changed to something chaotic. So weird that last time I came back home, I didn't realize the shift movement of the time. Ironically, now sitting here, not facing with the reality back there, and yet I can feel almost the entire shifting. The life in my home feels so alien to me now.

Honey told me that "people are accepting happily their current blinded fate without realizing the root of evil." That might be true even while I am here too. I always think that my old life was happy and I had no complain about it. True, I had no and have no complain about it, but I have no imagination of the continuing unchangeable story either. Mind but I do wish for it to gradually change into something that can fit me well later. I do know that it's unfair as I am not facing the chaos right now, but I am taking the round way to wait for it.

Probably what is changing so much about it is the fact that people are growing up. There are less discuss about school life and more for work. My friends are busily finding and dealing with their works and social lives. I had a weird feeling some times hearing that my friends have become teacher, associated seller, or some white-collar worker in some office. Feel like life becomes so hectic. Everyone starts the new life and our memory is shifting away from us. Thus the lingering is not as strong as it used to be. And obviously, I can't fit into that new society halfway. Either would I have to start from the beginning again or continue to stuck with my current life. So I am not ready to get accepted again.

I come to like the current me now, striving to be fitted. Standing on my own. Skipping breakfast. Being late to class. Working everyday. Stuck with the paintings. Having to walk every morning to the bus station and cursing it. Trying to learn the kanji. Meddling around with my German teacher and sempai. Hanging out with my friends. Etc. Well, I am carefree and I am hectic too. I don't even have time to think the life is also unfair and suck. And I am counting days until I can come back home. I want to see my family and my friends again. I want to see the only remained attachment there again - my people. After all, coming back once in a while is nice.

Time will fly again leaving me with surprise over surprise, and my feeling is slitted in half. I have become a nomad without being awared of. Having no favoritism and no settle. And this won't be the last place I ever set foot on. After all, I am a bad nomad.

But please do strive to grow into another higher state before I really come back.
I want to at least witness the things I have missed.

A naive nomad.